I apparently have some seasonal depression going on.  I hate how lonely I am!  It’s so hard to get a babysitter and go out.  My mom already does way more than she should for me.  If I get a sitter then I have to get them home……if it’s late and the girls are asleep then what?  I feel isolated at work, too.  I feel as though I’m just not part of the crowd.  The others text, go out, etc.  I have not once been able to meet up with them (they’ve never asked me) and other than texts that are work related I don’t get any.  Most of them live in Brainerd which is 30 miles away so also another barrier for me.

Financially I’m devastated.  State taxes didn’t get taken out of the money I withdrew from a retirement account so I owe over 2K in taxes which are now going to be levied out of my paycheck.  I have 3K in medical bills for Layla.  I’m barely making it, I have no savings to speak of and struggle to pay the rent, utilities, etc.

Life sucks.  It’s a double edged sword for me.  I love Christmas and all the glitz and glitter but I always seem to get really down.  I’m hanging on by a thread and glad I have the responsibility of my kids to keep me going.


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